End of the Year Stuff
If you think of my life as compartments--at least the public-facing compartments--then they can be summed up into broad categories of Writer, Artist, Wargamer, and Mentally Ill Individual. And all of these things have, this year, been pretty big for me--for good or for bad. But there's some interesting things to look at.
It has been a positive year for me overall: I got a raise at work, my middle son graduated high school, my oldest son started college. But when it comes to all of these Rob's Website Related Things, there have been ups and downs. Let's look at each one in turn:
Life as a Mentally Ill Individual
This is the biggest thing that has come out of 2024 for me: a VAST improvement to my mental health. I've written about it here and extensively, but to summarize it: I have been dealing with absolutely crippling depression for the last three years, and thanks to good therapists and a good change of medicine, I have been able to grab back three hours of each day. I used to finish my days at 3:00pm and go to bed, and I still go to bed at 3:00pm, but I take my work with me, and I work in bed. And between 3:00 and 10:00 I can usually find three good hours. That may seem like not very much, but to me it's been life changing.
If you want the secret to my success, it's two things:
The first is new meds, or at least a med change. I take a lot of medicine, usually around 10:00am, and then the second half at 10:00pm. But, my psychiatrist suggested that I may be metabolizing some of the meds too quickly and they burn out of my system in the afternoon, leaving me depressed. So, three of my drugs: lithium, modafinil, and adderral I now take smaller doses in the morning and then the second half of the dose at 3:00pm.
The second half of the new regimen is that I am working with a skills-based cognitive behavioral therapist (well, a pair of therapists). And they have been working hard with me on a thing called Behaviorism. Behaviorism is a whole big branch of psychology, and I know that I'm summarizing it wrong here, but it seems a lot like "forcing yourself to do stuff."
So, my meds make it easier for me to do stuff, and the behaviorism is what makes me roll over in bed, put down my phone and pick up my laptop.
And it totally works! It works in ways that are almost impossible to explain. I just am more healthy and more productive than I've been in years.
Life as a Writer
So, what have I been doing with that newfound productivity? Well, I wrote a book. It is the first book I've written in five years, and it was so much fun! I take it as a win that I even got this thing done, even if it never sees publication.
What is this book? It, like most of my books, is a Young Adult Science Fiction novel. It takes place about 120 years in the future, and follows a group of 40 teenagers who win the ultimate science fair and get to travel to Mars for internships. And, of course, they encounter problems: there's a mysterious illness on Mars, and one of the teens discovers things about her past that can ruin her life.
The book even has a title: Tartarus Deep, which is also the name of the colony on Mars. I like the title a lot.
And I haven't announced this on social media or anywhere, but I'll post it here: I finished revisions on the book two days ago and sent it to my agent! I have no idea what will happen with it. I don't know if I'm even a good writer anymore. But it's fun and exciting.
And I'm even playing with a new book! An adult spy thriller. It's still in very early stages, but at least the ball is starting to roll.
Life as a Wargamer
This has been a big year--but in a bad way. My blog, Wargame Explorer, which ran very well for four years, was defeated by two particularly devastating Google algorithm updates. My traffic, from September 2023 to March 2024, dropped by 95%. It became impossible or, rather, useless to chase it anymore.
So, in July, when it came time to pay for new hosting, I decided to shutter the blog. It stank, and I feel very conflicted about it. Wargaming has been in my blood for thirty five years. And for four years I wrote about wargaming every single day.
As part of writing about wargaming, I've had to keep up with all of the new games, which has made me always buying new games, trying them out, and the selling them on eBay to buy new games. It was a revolving door, and it was tiring.
One thing I found out, however, is that my emotions about the blog were too closely tied to wargaming the hobby, and as the blog got more painful, the hobby got less fun. I went from painting miniatures every single day to going almost six months without picking up a brush.
But now that I've gotten rid of the blog, the painting is coming back.
(You know what really brought the painting back? Procrastinating revisions on my novel. I haven't been as productive with miniatures as I have in the last two months. They say that some authors clean their house instead of working--I paint miniatures. So, anyway, I'm back in the game.)
Life as an Artist
This was one part of the year that went really well for a very short time and then came crashing down.
I have drawn buildings since high school. And this spring I went to Disneyland and started drawing the buildings and rides at Disneyland. And people started to ask if they could buy them. And I obliged. And I made a whole website about it, with all my drawings and Oops I Did It Again: I monetized a hobby. I took all the fun out of drawing.
Anyway, that whole thing, start to finish, lasted about four months. I haven't picked up drawing again yet, but I'm sure I will. And hopefully I won't try to make money off it.
